Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Starting Anew!

It's official! I am ripe for some major change. I'll spare you all the details because, for the most part, the details are just plain boring!!!. I think almost all of us have felt what I'm experiencing these days for our own reasons. How did I get to a point where I was no longer living by my own rules and was constantly scrambling to fit my time and life to the needs of others?? Sometimes even to the needs of others I don't know well or am not particularly fond of. I can promise it was/is NOT pretty.

For me, a new year always brings out thoughts of resolutions and fresh beginnings--basically a chance to make right anything that is bothering me. This year the need for change is not subtle and feels so all encompassing that I am genuinely struggling not to feel overwelmed with the amount of transforming I will need to do if I want to reach that sense of peace. Middle of the night... my thoughts go to things like: Should I sell my business that I have no time for or wait until I can garner a fair price for it? Should I completely re-do the house because I'm no longer who I once was when I accumulated so many things that, while still loved, are always in my way? Do I finally listen to my own strong internal urge for simplicity and clean every closet, cupboard, drawer and THAT peace-of-mind-blowing garage? Yes, THAT garage. Will I overcome the fact that I want simplicity but honestly don't know where to begin when it comes to my house? It will take such a commitment and I doubt my stick-to-it-iveness. I think I'm a fairly intelligent person but it bugs the daylights out of me that my "it's all got to get done mindset" is keeping me from really getting anything done. My best hope is rather than taking it as a whole, instead to try breaking it down to smaller more realistic tasks and learning to accept results that are not instant.



So that said, here's how I'm dealing with the post Christmas accumulations these days. Taking apart the holidays used to be such a job. So much undecorating. Alot of tedious work with no enjoyable end-result other than the satisfaction of finally having it done. The past few years, I've made a conscious effort to not make myself crazy getting it all done and that extends to choosing decorations and dressings that can stay in place a little longer once the holiday passes. I can go about the undecorating more lazily and that is an unexpected effect that I really like! Enter the pears above and the hydrangeas and white poinsettias. I really loved them (for awhile) but both have seen better days and even with a relaxed approach, at this point, they just have to go! One workable, realistic task down, tomorrow another. I am ready for some change. In my home. In my outlook. And in my life. So...Stand back.

I have always believed that people change things that aren't working for them ONLY when they are ready so I guess that means I finally am just that. It really is official; it's time to start anew!